Write Time Wednesday #1

Howdy y'all!

This week I've decided to finally do something I had mentioned wanting to do before: post up some of my creative writing. I wrote this piece in what I believe was my second semester of my freshman year of my undergraduate studies. I had an English course and the assignment was to write a satire. Since I often like to be silly and push some of the professional limits when it comes to class assignments that require creative writing, I came up with just ONE idea that I really wanted to do. At the time I honestly thought it was the funniest thing that I had ever come up with. At this point in my graduate career....I can still honestly say that I find its concept to be the most hilarious thing I have written. A Shakespeare sonnet I came up with for a different course in a later semester comes in at a close second.

My professor for this class was a Shakespearean. His studies and writings were focused on Shakespeare and in the semesters following the one in which I wrote this, I took a class completely on Shakespeare with him. I ended up taking a total of three classes with this same professor and recall doing creative projects or writing for all of them. The assignment was something about writing a satire involving rules or policy; I can't fully recall the exact parameters we were given. I decided that it would be heaps of fun to write a piece in which Shakespeare was banned. This piece would basically insinuate that if this were actual law, my professor and everyone in my class, myself included, would be a criminal since we had all read Twelfth Night and were actively in the middle of studying it. Sadly I believe I was limited to around 250 words or else I could have had a lot more fun.

I-Ban-Tic Pentameter: The Revenge of King Claudius

Hear ye! Hear ye! Henceforth Shakespeare and his series of works will no longer be studied at the collegiate, primary, secondary or any “-ary” of education. Due to various pseudo-falsehoods present in his numerous plays and sonnets, he is, at present, an enemy of the state. The mention of the name “William Shakespeare” (and all variations of the name including Will, Willy, S. Speare, Will Shakes, and Shake-Dawg) is now illegal, forbidden, and otherwise banned. This is decreed by the current, [not permanent] ruler (being replaced soon enough), for purposes of continuing the tradition of “zombifying” the masses through superfluous propaganda/brainwash.

The felon in question has misled many and led them to being one of the following: dead, dying or close enough to dead. This includes but is not limited to: one mentally ill prince from Denmark, one homicidal Moor, and two suicidal teenagers, all unlucky enough to be doomed from the start. We’d like to avoid further notions of rebellion, homicide and suicide from proliferating deeper into our drones’ mindset. We hope to keep them performing our mindlessly routine “hokey-pokey” and not consider alternative options of rule, legislation or lifestyle.

Anyone caught possessing, borrowing, plagiarizing, mocking, satirizing, performing, reciting, reproducing, studying, knowing Shakespeare or any of his work, will be severely punished or immediately executed.

    [Through his works, the above-stated criminal has encouraged our normally mindless flock of sheep to engage in activities such as “thinking freely” and ”voicing their opinions,” both of which are immensely frowned upon.]

© Samantha K. King 2018


A previous version of this piece included the following for the main body instead of the section above beginning "The felon in question...": 

Shakespeare has undermined the conformity of society through many perverse portrayals and behaviors. For example, there is the undermining of strictly assigned gender roles through deception regarding dress. Just to name a few of the victims of this particular whim, Lady Viola and her brother Sebastian, which led up to a horrifying case of identity theft. Also, there is his insistence on replacing a set monarchy as dictated by birthright, executed on the basis of hallucinations, superstitions and hearsay, with the result of leaving many dead, dying or close enough to dead.  Furthermore, is the mistrust inherent in his relationships that ultimately lead to acts of violence, which may or may not include homicide and suicidal action.

Due to his failure to conform to society’s whims and his large influence on countless people, we deem it necessary to minimize his efforts at spreading the ideas necessary to fuel independent thought. We feel things work best and smoothest when our flocks of sheep remain mindless drones who do not question our actions and simply go along with everything we tell them. Shakespeare goes against all our methods by encouraging others to seek out “truth” and participate in activities such as “thinking freely”. This is an action that is immensely frowned upon.

I got an A on the assignment, but I do not recall if I received much commentary on it. I work-shopped it via social media with several friends who provided feedback, leading it to become the final shown up above. I normally would not provide an alternative version/previous draft, but I did like the reference to Viola and Sebastian from Twelfth Night and didn't want it to go to waste. It might be worthwhile to re-workshop it to include that reference somewhere in the piece, since the assignment is over and there is thereby no reason to still maintain a particular word count. 

I hope you all enjoyed this post and hopefully I can put up some more of my random writing later on!